Falling in and out of love

Falling in and out of love. 

Most couples may find themselves at some time in their relationship struggling with anger, shock, despair and sadness. Some are newlyweds who can't understand how they have dived from the heights of love into a morass of conflict. Others have been together for many years and lament that they have nothing in common any more, they end up leading a disappointed co-existence enduring being together for the sake of the children.

So why does this happen?

Some theorists believe that we all begin life in a state of relaxed joyful bliss. If our caretakers are attuned to our needs the feelings of aliveness and well being are sustained - we remain whole. But even in the best of circumstances our parents are not perfect and every unmet need causes fear and pain and as very small children we have no idea how to stop it and restore a feeling of safety. As a response we adapt primitive coping mechanisms ranging from constant crying to get attention to withdrawing emotionally and denying that we even have needs. Meanwhile throughout our childhood we are also being socialized, moulded by our caretakers and communities to fit into society. We learn what to do to gain love and acceptance. We repress and disown parts of ourselves that society finds unacceptable or unlovable.

When we fall in love we believe that we have found that sense of joyful aliveness again. Suddenly we have someone who really makes us feel whole, we feel sexier, cleverer, funnier more giving etc. and we feel safe.

When we marry or move in together things often start to change. We discover that our partner has qualities that we don't like and that they are different from what we thought they were. Disillusionment can gradually turn to anger. The power struggle has begun. What is going on? You have found  someone who is unqualified (at the moment) to give you the love you want and to meet your needs as you had wished.

We all think we have freedom of choice when we are choosing a partner but our unconscious has its own agenda. Our sub-conscious has a compelling drive to repair the damage done in childhood as a result of unmet needs. The way it does that is to find a partner who can give us what our caretakers failed to provide. It looks for someone who carries all the positive AND negative traits of our caretakers. Although we consciously look for only the positive traits our sub conscious selects the negative as well seeking to heal those traits.

The image of 'the person who can make me whole again' is sometimes referred to as the Imago.

Another powerful part of our Imago is that we seek the qualities in ourselves that we lost in socialisation. If we are shy we may seek someone outgoing, if we are disorganised we look for someone organised etc Eventually our own feelings - our repressed exhuberance or anger are stirred. We are uncomfortable and criticise our partners for being too outgoing or too coldly rational.

What we need to understand and accept is that conflict is supposed to happen. This is as nature intended it. Conflict is a sign that the psyche is trying to survive to get its needs met and become whole.

Divorce does not solve the problems of relating to others.. We may get rid of our partners but we keep our problems taking them into the next relationship. Romantic love is supposed to end. The power struggle also is supposed to end. Regardless of what we believe, relationships are not born of love but of need.

How does couple counselling work?

The goal of couple counselling is to change the power struggle and set you on a path of real love. Many couples' problems are rooted in misunderstood, manipulated or avoided communications. Using the Imago dialogue you can learn to restructure the way you talk to each other.

We learn that whenever two people are involved each has their own reality. The reality of the other person needs to be understood and accepted but not made identical to our own.

The dialogue is turned into action and we can learn to give our partners what they need and not just what is easy to give. In a conscious relationship we agree to change to give our partner what they need and as we do that we heal our own painful experiences. In giving our partners what is hardest to give we have to bring our hidden selves into the light, owning and enlightening parts of ourselves. We stretch to conquer our fears and do what comes unnaturally.

Over the course of time as our partners demonstrate their love for us, and as they learn about and accept our hidden selves, our pain and self absorption diminishes. We restore our empathic feelings for our partners and see them for themselves and not merely as extensions of ourselves.

A conscious relationship is a spiritual path which leads us back to the feeling of joy and aliveness. We learn to express love as a daily  behaviour and in large and small ways we stretch to give our partner what they need and we learn to love. This is not an easy and quick process but a positive journey.

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Recovering My Wife Ex Girlfriend, How To Get A Woman Fast

I used to be wondering how to get my wife. I feel very fortunate that I managed to beat my wife.

Women are volatile. In most cases, the woman is suggested by the break. However, the fact is they are more than ready to resume the relationship. Sometimes called the relationship was only for temporary feeling.

If you want to get your wife, you need to find out where they went wrong. Let's say if he was bored with the relationship, you have to put a little thought to how to spice up the relationship above. If she liked having a partner more striking, it may be necessary to consider a complete transformation.

In order to get your ex wife again, you have to show you the fun parts that had been absent from the relationship. That said, if you want to get wife back, you have to prove that you are precious that she wants to date. In addition, you can try to change their behavior and the image a bit to suit the needs of his wife.
After separation, it is advisable to bomb his wife calls and text messages. You need to give your space and this period is called period of buffer. Of course, it may be too long and that one to two weeks is perfect.

After this period, giving a sincere apology is the perfect start. You have to leave his wife understood to have understood what worries you, and you have to give his promise that he will try his best to change for the better.

After the apology, your wife is likely to be more willing to accept the new measures. When you feel that the attitude of his wife are softened, that chance can ask her out. You can take it to a concert and dinner at a romantic restaurant.

In short, you need to spice things up and get impressed by the "new". While you take the right steps at the right time, you can definitely get your wife back and restart a relationship.

To get your ex back, you need a solid step by step guide. Luckily, I have written a score of 4-Step Reference based on my personal experience for you so you can recover the former in the shortest time possible. I bet you can get your ex back quickly if you follow my 4-step reference. Visit.. How To Get Back To my Ex

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Want Your Ex Girlfriend Back? Stop Calling Her So Much!

If there was one major complaint that women have in regards to their ex boyfriends... it would have to be the overwhelming amount of attention that they get AFTER the break up. Of course, this really only applies when the ex boyfriend wants to get back together with a woman. If you think that you are going to get her back by calling her up all the time, just to keep her reminded of you... think again my friend.

I've known women who were seriously considering giving an ex boyfriend another chance only to decide against it just because the guy was giving them too much attention. Like they say, too much of anything is never a good thing. And when that refers to giving your ex girlfriend too much attention after the break up... you know that it is true.

I think a lot of guys call up their ex girlfriend excessively due to three things primarily.

a) They want to know what she is up to.

b) They want to stay on her mind.

c) They think that the next time they cal her it will be the time when she finally cracks and says okay.

If you are calling because you want to know what she is up to, that means that you really need to be able to get out on your own or do something to distract yourself. It means that you have too much time on your hands to think about her. Not a very good thing to show a woman you want to reattract.

Staying on her mind can be a good thing or a bad thing. It's good when it is because she just finds herself thinking about you for no reason. That's the kind of thing that can make her want to go back to you. It is a bad thing when it is because she just feels like you are always there or always calling her.

Chances are, the next time that you call her on the phone it is NOT going to be the time she finally cracks and gives you another chance. At least, not until you do something that merits you getting that second chance. Just picking up the phone and calling her is not going to be enough.

If there was one thing to really take away from this article, I would hope that it would be for you to realize that too much attention is not always good. Put down the phone, get out of your home, and do something. Then, find a way to make your ex girlfriend find you attractive again if you want to get her back.

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Paying More Attention to Your Woman

Communication is such an important factor in all relationships, business and personal alike, that it should come as no surprise that we need to discuss it here as well. What is communication, after all? It is the two-way interaction that occurs, both verbally and non-verbally. What is said with actions is as important, if not more so, than what is said with words. But here we're going to focus our attention on the importance of verbal communication and what it will mean for your relationship. Keep in mind that when I talk about how things affect your relationship, I'm mainly concerned with your success in the realm of seduction.

Communication with words is something we all do on a daily basis. But, just like when you're asked to give an impromptu speech, being asked to communicate in a particular situation just makes many of you cringe, lock up, and find yourself at a loss for words. Why? Mainly because when you have to think about what to say, you suddenly become concerned about what you're saying. But if you just let it happen without any expectations, somehow everything works out a whole lot better.

That being said, think of your past relationships and where communication failed you. Was it something you said in a particular conversation that you came to regret later? Or was it something she said that you either treated as unimportant or simply didn't hear at all? Or could it have been a time when you should have said something to her, but didn't, and the results were equally regrettable? Surely all of these have happened to nearly everyone at one time or another. The trick is to not let these past failures define how you communicate now and in the future of your current relationship.

Talking is something we all think about when we hear the word 'communication'. But, unfortunately, that first thought is the wrong one if you're looking for a good relationship with potential for romance. Talking will get you nowhere, and worse, it may cause things to fall backward or even to fall apart. When you talk, you're expecting someone else to listen.

But what about the listener? When does she get the chance to be heard? That's why it's so much better to change your view from one of simply talking, to one where you see communication as the carrying on of a conversation.