If the person who gets dumped stays around to try to be friends with the dumper, it's a lot easier for the rebound relationship to flourish. Why? Because someone else is taking up the slack, someone who knows the dumper much better. Eventually the rebound learns enough to get into the dumpee's spot and then the dumpee's pushed out of the relationship totally.
So if the ex is someone you've been in a long term relationship with, and you've gotten into the attachment stage, you're still in the attachment stage even after the split (especially if it was an unaggressive split). The dumper is in the honeymoon stage with the rebound relationship, giving them the best of both worlds - and it's great for the rebound as well. If you hear people say they're torn between two loves, this is typically what they are referring to.
You can be in love with both, but at different stages in your relationship. So they get the excitement of a new relationship along with security from the old one. This is why affairs in normally strong relationships can happen as well.
You will often hear this if you hear the dumper's side of the story. They'll say you're like my best friend, brother, sister, etc. They love you. But they aren't IN love with you. This is the attachment phase of a relationship. The rebound is sexually exciting and fun and thus they want to be with the rebound, not with you. If you don't believe me, look around objectively at relationships you've seen.
Ones where people are always fighting and breaking up and cheating and yet they still stay together. Consider women who love men that are always up and down and have no future. Look at men who are with weird needy women who treat them like crap. Or women who go out with peniless bad boy bikers.
It all boils down to sexual excitement and attraction, plain and simple. So let's say you're the dumpee and you want your ex back. You MUST go low contact or no contact if possible. If you're in a good place with your ex, then don't just suddenly go NC, instead do it gradually. So if your ex panics that you're suddenly gone, you dont have to be completely gone - just taking a back role.
When you go no contact, let your ex know, and do it in a considerate way. Tell them that you need space and time to move on. Wish them the best and hope that they truly succeed in their new relationship. They may ask if you want to be friends in the future, say that you don't know if it's a good idea, but that the future is always uncertain. Leave it there - that's all you need to do.
Now your job is to get fit, improve your life, date other people, get out and socialize, etc. Genuinely do start moving on in your life. If your ex does in fact come back into your life later on, which they will if you had a good connection with them, then the new you - the attractive and self sufficient one - will really hook them. They will start thinking about being with YOU again. This is a big point for a man.
Your ex girlfriend leaves you telling you she felt you were too much a boy. Well, she finds you a man six months after, and then you have HUGE points with her and she will be interested in you intimately. This will increase your air of mystery to her and surprise her.
No, you can't MAKE your ex fall in love with you, but you can improve the odds of them coming back to you. Your chances are way higher with an ex because they already know you. Your time apart will be in your favor because you'll instantly hook them as they'll be attracted to the new you much more quickly.
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